Take a Seat, They Earned It

Yesterday I saw the Strictly Come Dancing final and – hang on – Yesterday I was showing my mother how to record the Strictly Come Dancing final on her new TV when I noticed this strange obsession that is sweeping through television crowds. Standing Ovations.

Whether it’s “Britain’s got the Chlamydia” or “Chavs on Ice” whenever any contestant manages to perform even the most basic of what is asked the audience seem to obtain numb behinds. Most of the acts on “Britain’s got Talent” wouldn’t persuade me to rise in my own living room let alone in front of thousands of people. They would all see, surely? In fact, the only way they could bring me to stand was if I was leaving.

There is a misunderstanding as to what the standing ovation actually means. The idea that a show is so good, a performance so great that you literally can’t stay in one place. A moment that moves you to such an extent that you can’t contain yourself. A moment of such magnitude that breaks all expectations and has you racked with enthusiasm. The moment a performer manages to smash the boundaries of simple showmanship. The moment your my favourite team come inches from victory. You're on your feet because it’s all you can do. If you could fly, sing, breathe fire you would do all that too could because you're so completely caught up in the moment. That is a standing ovation.

Being surprised that the acne plagued, lager guzzling, tracksuit bulging moron can actually hold a reasonable chord is not one of these moments. That is a moment to wonder about any possible refund on your ticket.

Have we become so expectant of failure that we are roused to our feet the instant someone from a council estate shows the slightest ounce of talent. Are we so amazed that an ageing sportsmen or children’s TV presenter can co-ordinate their own limbs. I find it all rather sad.

This country is not starved of things to stand for. Our little island is riddled with world champion sport stars, inspiring events of passion, renowned performances of emotion. In Tate Britain right now there is a painting by Rembrandt that moved people so that they removed their hats in reverence. That is the sign of something worth standing for.

That's something worth remembering the next time someone from Big Brother 284 is prancing around your television screen in a bid to rekindle a less than blustering career. Is it really worth your attention, let alone your uncompromised praise? Has it left you feeling like a freight train is racing through your heart? That if you don’t stand you’re going to explode? Have you got tears in your eyes? No. Then take a seat – they earned it.